Lessons in Managing Heartache and Breakups from a Christian Bunny (Part 2)
So Chumpie is now back for another session with Dumpie, the world’s greatest counselor rabbit. Today Dumpie has four more points to teach Chumpie and hopefully is able to mend his bunny heart. Please go to part 1 for our first three points. Please go to part 2 for the last three points.
4. Learn new habits
Use this opportunity to break previous habits which are not healthy. As mentioned in the last post, the chemicals in your brain are changing. It is painful but we can take advantage of it. As neurons are changing, can we use this opportunity to get rid of bad habits from before as well? Try to take one habit that you always don’t like and change it. Try to also make one new habit that you want to have and do it. It’s something that you can hold on to as the time goes by. When you think of the breakup six months later or a year later, as you are doubting if it was an experience that helped you grow, you can always point back to those new habits.
For example, praying the first thing in the morning might be your new habit and you can be grateful that you improved yourself because of the experience. We can use this pain and suffering to make ourselves a better person. We will be a different person at the end of this tunnel, a person more similar to the image of God.
5. Learn new hobbies
Learn new hobbies to understand that right now you are living a different life and you are still enjoying it. When you break up, you might think of all the things that you will never get to do again with Dolly. For example, playing tennis with her, going to art museum with her, trying out a new restaurant with her, etc.. Yes that is true, but remember that it is by letting go that you can have new experiences and new love. Try a new hobby or class to see and realize that you can still enjoy new things and experience. Take a risk and know that God will catch you and do something you might not have done before. For myself I took up guitar, Latin dancing and acting class. Things that might make me look dumb at times but I am also learning how to let go of my ego and my pride. At the same time it allows me to remember that the present is amazing and there is so much to learn.
6. Face your emotions
But while you are doing your new hobbies, don’t distract yourself too much and not face your emotions. It is important to slow down and face the emotions and reframe the certain thoughts you have. I know it is painful but it is only via reframing and understanding those emotions that we can heal. Spend 15 minutes every day to see how you feel, put a pulse on your emotions, reframe and let it go. Do not suppress your emotions as that is just putting a lid on it. It will boil and explode sooner or later. Talk to friends who have empathy.
Some people might distract themselves all day so they never have to think about the situation, but then the emotions will always come back to them when they least expect it if they don’t deal with it. Ask God for help to face the emotions and together you can defeat the thoughts and find the redemptive way forward.
7. You can choose your values
One of the sayings I really like is that you can choose your values. We as Christians have certain moral values and daily we have to choose whether to adhere to those values or choose what our selfish earthly body wants.
When you break up you get to choose, you get to either be strong or self destruct. You can either put your faith in God and take this as a lesson or choose to become someone you don’t want to be.
It is tempting at times to do things against your values. You want the other person to feel your pain such that you are not the only person going through the depths of hell. In other times, you might want to choose to stay in the pain, you might feel that this sadness feels good, that this pain is the state you deserve to be in, as people will then pity you and you can let the world know how much this means to you and how much it’s been hurting. You might even think this pain is the only thing left of the other person, which you can hold on to.
But we as Christians should not choose pain. It’s a constant struggle but everyday we have the choice to choose to be good and to enact our values. To love yourself, love your neighbors and have joy in the Lord. One day you will look back and be proud of the choices you made.
Chumpie finds the points to somewhat help his broken heart and ends his session. He will come back again next week. Please see part 3 here. Stay tuned!
